JUST Distracted

Hi Friends on Facebook and Friends in Life,

As I write this letter I’m currently 30,000 plus feet in the air, flying over Canada’s incredibly flat midsection on my way back west from Toronto. My trip to the T-Dot had a purpose; I was there to see Lauryn Hill live in concert, which has been a wish of mine for years! (Visit justdistracted.com for a complete recap of the concert of my lifetime).

My visit to the east was fast and short but, still I managed to see a handful of my phenomenal friends during my stay. At every reunion each friend reminded me how lucky I was to have him or her in my life. We drank coffee religiously, enjoyed unforgettable breakfast, lunch and dinners, danced the night away to L-Boogie, watched our gifted mutual friends showcase their talents, namely Kamilah Gibson, who sang her heart out at the perpetual Sunday open mic night at the Supermarket in Kensington Market (Happy Birthday Tony), we drank our favorite poison while complaining about humans in our lives AND watched the final episode of Jersey Shore (It was my first time seeing the show, now I understand why everyone’s hooked – it’s a bag of delicious teeth decaying junk food on TV).

On my last day I hung out with a friend of mine that will remain nameless for security reasons. Lets just call her Angel for reference sake. We spent most of the day watching go by way too quickly, as we tried to catch up on life while completing the task list on our blackberries.

One of my things to do before my departure to the left coast, was to have lunch with another friend of mine who I hadn’t seen since November (I know not that long ago but I lud my friends). After we finally decided to try out a fairly new restaurant in Kensington Market we trekked from the Dundas and Spadina in the minus 30 degree weather and arrived only to find out that it was closed. “Fuckerton!” I screamed in between my teeth that were chattering at a million miles per hour. We hummed and hah’d before settling on a classic favored healthy lunch spot called Hibiscus in Kensington Market. It’s a small family owned restaurant that serves an assortment of nutritious salads with sophisticated ingredients and hearty mouth watering soups. A few pairs of unmatching ikea outdoor furniture kiss eachother throughout the petite space. In the summertime overheating Torontonians flock to the cash counter to get a scoop or two of the dairy/gluten free ice cream that hides in a refrigerator that’s tucked away in the back area away from customers. The reasons to try out Hibiscus are simple, great healthy food, friendly staff and great customers with the exception of TWO that tried to bring the JWOWW dramz while we feasted on our calorie conscious meals. Here’s what went down…

My friend Angel and I sat eating our $8 large salad and soup combo while chatting about our private bidness that we choose to share with one another because we’re buds and that’s what bud’s do. (FYI: My other friend was on their way but because of time constraints & ultimate hunger, we ordered our food). Keeping one eye on the door for my other friend we notice this couple walk into the restaurant. The female was a young Asian woman dressed in attire that looked like she was the inspiration behind an animated character in a Tim Burton movie, minus the cool factor. Her eyes were lined with a mega black crayola crayon and her smile was sewn shut by her saliva. The man was burly Caucasian man dressed in attire that looked like it came off the wardrobe truck of the ‘8 mile’ movie – drizzled in extra wackness. His walk was that of an ogre, troglodyte and wannabe gangster all mixed into one giant ugly Shrek like frame. They stood at the entrance of the door for a half second before residing on an outdoor ikea bench that sat 2 feet beside my friend and I. (By the way, I’m only pouring out the haterade because on top being ugly fuck faces on the outside, they were also major used ass wipes on the inside and they let it be known in public).

Half way through our meal my friend whispers to me “that couple keeps staring at me”. I take a bite of my satisfying meal and ask “Who? Why?”. My friend responds with a simple shrug of her shoulders, recognizing that the confines of the space are small and that if she says anything they might hear her words. Since neither of us knew the couple we decided to carry on with our conversation and ignore the awkwardness that was coming from beside us. Perhaps the women was interested in something Angel and I were talking about and she was working up the courage to say something, a compliment or question about our conversation. Who knows what her interests were, we certainly didn’t and so my friend with the better view of the women payed no attention to her non discrete stakeout. Minutes later my other friend arrives and we’re all chatting about everything and anything. In the midst of laughter my friend who’s been watched for the main duration of our meal says “it’s happening again”. Paying little attention to it I update my friend who’s just joined us about whats been going on. Soon the Caucasian guy waddles over to the cash counter to settle ‘the bill’. Standing at the counter he knocks over two desert signs that make enough noise to grab our attention for a quick moment. After paying the bill he turns around towards our table and mumbles a loud “I paid your bill, now go buy some class” Huh? Oh no he didn’t! Did he just say…did he just say what I think he said? We all looked at each other puzzled by his nervous command, “what?” We were now staring at him dead in the face for a response. “Uh…yeah…save your money and buy yourself some class”. Realizing the guy was being a complete ass fincter we did the right thing and asked “why?” He did everything to stop his face from turning red with furry and said “you were staring?…not at me but over there!” (Did he forget his girls name? Probably he looked like his brain was the size of the pinenuts in his food). I must admit that at this point my laughter overpowered my anger because I couldn’t believe that this dud a) just paid our bill (Thank You!) and b) followed it by standing up in the middle of a tiny restaurant and declaring it in the most Jenny Jones, Jerry Springer, Maury Povich classless manner I’ve ever witnessed. I waited for him to throw a chair but instead he stood there dumb faced unsure of what our reactions would be. “Excuse me, staring where? At your girl?” We all looked over in her direction and she stood behind her chair with her head down in silence, unable to look at us in the eye for more than a half a second. “Really? Is that what you think?” With no response the guy dragged his lard ass out the restaurant with his ‘girlfriend’.

If by any wild chance the insecure delusional couple reads this entry, here’s my message to you.

Thank you for paying our bill. I hope we provided you with enough conversation material to lead to a second date. Enjoy retelling this story because I just did.

Happy Peaceful Tuesday!

Lils

The Perfect Lunchtime Read is a writing series that began on January 7th, 2011. Every weekday I write a new Perfect Lunchtime Read for you to enjoy while eating your lunch at work or taking a break from your hectic life. Every weekday new Perfect Lunchtime Read is posted on justdistracted.com. A notice of its arrival on the website is sent via Facebook & twitter.com/justdistracted

Every writing piece is light and easy to read, I like to leave the serious topics with the New York Times. Warning: My writing style is no holds bar but don’t worry you won’t be seeing any NSFW photos posted anytime soon.

If you have feedback, questions or comments please feel free to email me at justdistracted@gmail.com

To read previous Perfect Lunchtime Reads click below:

Intro - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - New Year

Entry 1 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Where to find a lover in time for Valentines

Entry 2 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Mondays

Entry 3 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - The Lotto Winner

Entry 4 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Where do men cry?

Entry 5 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Award Season

Entry 6 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Award Speeches

Entry 7 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Legal Vs. Illegal

Entry 8 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Peeping Lils

Entry 9 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Give Credit Where Credit is Due