Hi Friends on Facebook and Friends on Life,

Boy, do I have a story for you!

(Warning: Today’s entry is a little x-rated)

At 6:30pm last night I walked in circles around my living room while chit chatting on the phone with my BFF (Best Friend Forever).  Before I reached my 25^th lap around my sofa and coffee table I began feeling dizzy so I stopped in my tracks and looked out the window to catch my balance.  The view that stood before me was mesmerizing and beautiful.  The sky was royal navy-noir, the mountains looked like they were doused in bronzer; hundreds of amber streetlights shimmered in ecstasy while the ocean was calm and blissful.  A canal of cars with aggravated drivers honked at each other to speed up or move out of the way on the street below me.  I stared down the road at the pattern of headlights until my focus was pulled towards the other apartment buildings that lined the street.  One by one lights in each of the apartment turned on, signifying the start of nighttime.

As I updated my BFF with all of the latest news in my life, I stood at my window and watched my neighbors in the adjacent apartments arrive in their homes from work.

A huge apartment with all of their lights on and floor to ceiling windows stood out amongst the neighboring homes.  My eyes locked in on the two occupants of the home: a short medium built man and a thin woman with long wavy dark hair.  While jabbering away on the phone with my friend, I stood and watched the neighboring couple talk to each other while standing at opposite ends of the island in their big open space kitchen.  After a few seconds of conversation the man walked towards the women and wrapped his arms around her.  The women hugged him back and then quickly stepped away from him.  The man stood lifeless half a foot away from the women; his stance resembled a roid-head at the gym that just finished lifting weights.  His arms fell away from his body and his head stood straight up on a tilt.  He looked tough but he was short which he probably hated about himself his whole life.  Before I could begin to analyze the women, the man bolted towards her with one schmedium step.  He lifted his little bulky arms and ripped her shirt off like Hulk Hogan from Wrestlemania.  The women shook her hair in ‘aw’ and then copied his actions with a little more struggle; evidently his arms were too big for his shirt.  Together they snapped open her pants and dropped them to the floor in one slick swift motion.  Wasting no time at all, the man undid his belt faster than Pootie Tang, removed his bootleg cut jeans, pulled down his whitey tighties and kicked off his tube socks while undoing the bra on the women. 

When I finally realized what was about to go down I screamed into the phone, “Oh!  Oh MY GOD! Oh MY, NO WAY!”  Confused by my sudden outburst my friend on the phone asked me what was wrong.  Unable to form sentences with my words while watching I remained silent for half a minute.   I was in complete utter disbelief of what I was witnessing.  Moreover I couldn’t believe the drastic turn of events.  One minute I’m admiring the view out my window and the next minute I’m creepy Lils watching my neighbors about to get busy. 

The women had the last item of clothing on; she pulled off her flimsy panties and then jumped on the man like MJ’s monkey Bubbles.  Immediately the man lifted her up and down like she was a barbell.  The women unable to handle his motions flailed her arms and whipped her like she was auditioning for Williow Smiths, ‘I whip my hair’ music video. 

Once I saw that it was really happening I broke the news to my friend on the phone who was still trying to figure out why the hell I was freaking out and not speaking up.  “MY NEIGHBORS ARE DOING IT AND I CLEARLY SEE THEM THROUGH THEIR HUGE ASS WINDOW!  OMG I can’t watch!!!”  My friend argued ‘why not…that’s dope, watch!’  At that moment I could have easily turned away and ignored it but, for some reason I kept watching them with amusement.  I even commentated their untamed actions to my friend over the phone, “Oh my gosh!  He’s taking her to the wall!…SMACK!  Ouch, that looked like that hurt!  He just smacked her against the wall!  She’s clearly screaming, she’s got to be screaming.  Ohhhh MY goodness now he’s thrusting her like a jackrabbit on speed!…Oh goodness he’s horrible!…Wait a minute…OH my gosh, they’re separating, I think…I think he’s done.  He’s actually done…what was that like a minute?”  My friend and I bursted out with laughing and then rambled off a bunch of jokes about their quicker than quick, quickie.  As soon as I could catch my breath I looked back up to notice the man wearing his tiny whitey tighties.  However the women remained naked and played with her messy ‘I just had the fastest sex in the world hair’. 

This wasn’t the first time I’d seen my neighbors do something that was meant to be private but this was the first time that I voluntarily witnessed the whole thing happen from start to finish with no obstructions or bad lighting.  The reason I watched my neighbors do the nasty actually has more to do with you than me…it makes for the perfect Wednesday lunchtime read!

Happy Hump Wednes-Day!

Lils

The Perfect Lunchtime Read is a writing series that began on January 7th, 2011.  Every weekday I write a new Perfect Lunchtime Read for you to enjoy while eating your lunch at work or taking a break from your hectic life.  Every weekday new Perfect Lunchtime Read is posted on justdistracted.com.  A notice of its arrival on the website is sent via Facebook & twitter.com/justdistracted

Every writing piece is light and easy to read, I like to leave the serious topics with the New York Times.  Warning: My writing style is no holds bar but don’t worry you won’t be seeing any NSFW photos posted anytime soon.

If you have feedback, questions or comments please feel free to email me at justdistracted@gmail.com 

To read previous Perfect Lunchtime Reads click below:

Intro - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - New Year

Entry 1 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Where to find a lover in time for Valentines

Entry 2 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Mondays

Entry 3 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - The Lotto Winner

Entry 4 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Where do men cry?

Entry 5 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Award Season

Entry 6 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Award Speeches

Entry 7 - The Perfect Lunchtime Read - Legal Vs. Illegal

Hope you enjoy your lunch and thanks for reading!

Lils

Just Distracted